Would You Prefer Port or Perhaps Starboard with Your Cheese?

Harold Written by 

(6 votes)

Everyone likely knows at least one person whom to put it kindly, is directionally challenged.

This Bear Tale features three individuals who not only had a great deal of difficulty in determining their direction of travel, but also – left from right.

Good guys to be sure, but if you ever need directions, stay well clear of them and buy a map.

Now in fairness it was foggy on the day in question, but when you’re within sight of shore, a very familiar one at that, then you wouldn’t think it would be all that hard to get your bearings.

Although it was generally clear around Trophy Lodge, when our small flotilla came out of Ford Bay and headed east towards “First Light,” we ran into some very thick fog.

We continued moving through the fog when suddenly it dawned on us that travelling along at high speed when you could barely see twenty feet in front of you was a very bad idea, especially since there was still some ice floating around. 


The boats all pulled up together, and while we had started out with four, there were now only three.

So where did the boat with Paul Reynolds, Art Ross and Rodney Harback get to? 

Although we couldn’t see or hear them, fortunately we had walkie-talkies, and after a couple of attempts, finally made contact.

What followed was one of the funniest exchanges I have ever had the pleasure to witness and btw, our radio operator was Kenny Gold, who is not known for pulling his punches!

Kenny: “Art, where the hell are you guys?”

Art: “Fishing.”

Kenny: “I don’t care what you’re doing – where are you?”

Art: “Trolling along shore.”

There was then much swearing on Kenny’s part, and laughter on ours.

Kenny: “What direction are you headed?”

Art: “I’m not sure.”

Kenny: “Then ask Paul.”

Art: “He’s not sure either.”

Kenny: “What, the f**k do you mean you’re not sure?” 

This resulted in even more swearing, and comments about Art and Paul’s ancestry and overall level of intelligence.

Art: “We’re not sure – it’s foggy.”

Kenny: “No shit. Can you see the shore?”

Art: “Yes.”

Kenny: “Then why don’t you idiots know what direction you’re heading?”

Art: “Because it’s foggy.”

At this point Kenny completely looses it, and trust me, it was the rant to end all rants.

Kenny: “Art - Art, listen to me you f**king moron, is your left hand or right hand closest to shore?”

Art: “Why does that matter?”

Kenny: “Because you f**king idiot, if it’s your left you’re heading East, and if it’s your right, you’re heading West!”

Art: “Let me check.”

Kenny: “I can’t believe that people actually let you work on their teeth.”

Art: “Kenny, I think we can hear you guys laughing.”

Our walkie-talkie was shut off at that point.

And just in case anyone is remotely interested, we eventually did find them, trolling west towards Ford Bay.

Last modified onSaturday, 27 May 2017 23:41
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